In an earlier article, I said that I hoped you had a supportive family doctor to help you through the grieving process. Something else that I truly wish for you is that you aren’t smacked with nasty financial problems after your partner’s death. I also wish for you that you and your partner have seen and approved of each other’s wills and choices for Power of Attorney and executor. Whether your family’s assets are modest or extensive, I hope that you have no surprises to cope with. In an ideal world, wills and Powers of Attorney would be written and updated, most property and vehicles would already be in joint names, there would be enough life insurance, and the family would move along through the settling of the estate kindly and gently. However, this is the real world and all bets are off.
Why are we reluctant to simplify our affairs and make a will? I think we could all answer that question. A recent poll states that about half of all Canadians don’t have a will and about 10% of those who have wills haven’t updated them. Of course, older people are more likely to have a will than younger people. Those in higher income brackets are also more likely to have a will. The reasons given for not organizing final plans are varied. Maybe people don’t want to think about their own death, don’t feel they have enough assets to bother with a will, can’t afford to have a legal will made, or younger people don’t think they need to worry about it yet. That being said, no documentation can leave a mess for those left behind.
A will is a private matter and doesn’t need to be shown to anyone, even a spouse. Sometimes survivors are shocked by what a will reads. I don’t want to sound mercenary by speaking about cash and assets when the tragedy of a loved one’s death is what’s important but, in the long run, you’ll be needing to pay for a future of some kind. Financial troubles and possibly hard feelings can be a heavy burden to heap on the burden of the grief itself. Here’s an example from a friend’s life. Her second marriage of two years ended when her husband was killed in a car accident. He hadn’t updated his will, life insurances, or pension plan beneficiaries. I think he was a good person; like many of us, he’d just not got around to that clerical job. The last update was when he was divorced from his first wife and his named beneficiaries were his adult son and daughter from the first marriage. My friend’s husband’s son and daughter weren’t keen on their new stepmother; you can see where I’m going with this. The son and daughter ended up with several hundred thousand dollars and the widow struggled to hold on to the family home with her salary only. The house was in joint names but the mortgage wasn’t life-insured. The court did grant a settlement to the widow but it was meager. We won’t even mention other horror stories, where the family fortune was left entirely to strangers or where the deceased was found to have a second family that nobody knew about!
The first unexpectedly large expense happens immediately: service and burial costs. Even if you have simple ideas, you’ll be needing several thousand dollars, due fairly quickly. With the limitations of COVID, families now cancel, minimize, or postpone services. Any assets that aren’t in joint names become “the estate,” and are not available until the will has reached probate. You may not need to go through the probate process, depending on the value and type of assets you own. You may have assets which can be liquidated later but ready cash may be scarce. Some families take out a Line of Credit to get through those first months or contribute a portion of the required money from personal accounts, to be repaid later. A few organized people will have prepaid final expenses but most haven’t, especially in the case of a sudden death or a young death. As the months roll along, there will be legal bills, accounting fees, and income taxes as well. With most couples, one of the partners handles the bulk of the finances, so the person left behind may have to scramble to figure out what’s going on. The first months can be frightening for a new widow, in desperately poor spirits and not having a sense of how her finances will be after the dust has settled.
Twice A Widow 