In 2016 the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that it’s no longer an offence for a physician to aid someone end his or her life in certain circumstances. It’s an option available to people who “may be experiencing intolerable suffering due to a grievous and irremediable (incurable) medical condition…” There are strict protocols and safeguards. The person must be of sound mind and able to consent when the papers are first signed, wait several days for reflection, and be able to consent just before the injections are given. The patient is welcome to change his or her mind at any time and other choices for end-of-life care are presented. The total number of Assisted Deaths performed in Canada from 2016-2019, which is the year I’m writing this blog, (statistics for 2020 aren’t compiled yet) is 13,946. The number is rising by about 20% each year. As I edit in 2024, the laws are changing even more, so that a person doesn’t need to be conscious or of sound mind when it’s time for the second consent; his or her wishes when original papers were signed will be honoured. This removes the fear that people have had, the fear that dementia or a stroke or maybe a coma will intervene and prevent them from giving that last consent.
Having been primary caregiver through Alan’s long journey with kidney failure and having witnessed his Assisted Death (2019), I’ll offer some comments about that experience. I know that people may strongly disagree about the ethics of Assisted Death and some believe that it isn’t God’s plan or could be used to “execute” people when others wish to be rid of them. The old saying is that if you go to a party, never discuss religion or politics. You’d best not talk about Assisted Death at the party either! In my previous article on Caregiver’s Remorse, I said that the fact that Alan had chosen an Assisted Death added to my self-blame as primary caregiver. I had to work to process and get past my feeling that if I had done a better job, perhaps Alan’s health might not have deteriorated so badly and he might not have wanted to end his life. Honestly, it would have been easier on my soul if Alan had passed away quietly without intervention. What I wished for most was that his health had remained even passable, so we could have had many more years to continue with our life together! However, that wasn’t the case.
While watching the baseball game, you need to keep your eye on the ball. The focus here is the person who’s ill and what he or she wants and needs. The patient alone determines what quality of life and severity of decline he or she will tolerate. The focus isn’t on what family and friends think or wish. Alan had so much to live for and wouldn’t have chosen Assisted Death if he weren’t very ill, with no hope for a brighter future, only more of the same or worse. If my health were as poor as Alan’s had become, I wouldn’t want the suffering to continue either. He wanted to control how and when his life ended. He tried his best to recover but was absolutely certain about his decision. In the last few days, it felt to me that his soul was already disengaging from this life. The last two days were endless and heartbreaking. Our kids and stepkids had come from all points to be with us. The care facility where Alan was living would not allow Assisted Death on their premises; the owner of the chain of care homes was against it in principle. Our physicians found a quiet spot at the hospital for the procedure. The ambulance drivers wouldn’t charge for the transfer to hospital and the attendant sitting next to Alan and myself cried en route. We had music and the procedure was just two injections, the first to sedate and the second to stop the heart. Alan went to sleep as soon as the first was given. When he was gone, he looked peaceful and years younger, the lines of pain and worry softened. As to good-byes, Alan and I said a few meaningful things to each other in the last days but not many. I was numb and overwhelmed, half wishing him to change his mind and he was unwell and dozing part of the time due to pain medications. A planned death doesn’t guarantee that the important things are said. I was glad when the family came and there were more people to fill the silence. Alan’s Assisted Death was a surreal experience for me: sorrow and shock and relief that it was over for him. There was also some relief that this long journey was over for me
My opinion about Assisted Death is that, in spite of how difficult it can be for family and friends, it’s absolutely the right thing as an option for very ill patients. I’m glad that the second consent will no longer be necessary. For example, how can a person consent if their dementia has stolen their mind and added physical burdens as well? People won’t need to suffer endlessly when quality of life is dismal and to wait for death to come as a friend.
“You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
Twice A Widow 